Hello, I am basically a gal who loves God, her family and of course her dear dear Clark. Hmm not to forget my friends too! Currently in the process of finding out what she really wants to do for her life and prays that everyday is a good day with all her loved ones. :)

Time: 9:26 pm @ Dear's house on Sat night

Finally!!! After 3 years plus of waiting we got our HLE letter! First step to key collection!
Although it is unlikely that we are able to shift in by Christmas we could still aim to do it by January.

Yesterday night was supposed to be a night of watching Guardian but we weren't able to do so.
An incident happened that reminded me of things that happened 7 years ago.

I remembered feeling really lousy and upset with myself for a period of 3.5 years. Whatever I did regardless of my intention, I would always be scolded and be blamed for the situation.

For screwing up his 21st birthday. For sharing with my friend the difficulties that I faced in the relationship and therefore 'embarrassing' him. (Since then I would not dare to tell people about how bad I feel). I would always replay in my mind why did I say that, why did I do that hence causing the relationship to be such. I blamed myself a lot and it took a lot of time for me to discover that the blame is not on me... Back then I would be so upset that I would go into 'hysterical' mode and started to throw my pillows or go to the playground under my block to chill.

I am very scared to go back to that stage. I told myself (maybe even forming an inner vow) that I would never allow myself to be like this again. It's too scary for me to think about that.

It's been a long while since I felt any close. I do not expect anyone else to be able to understand.

This blog has been privatised and I am not even sure if Dear has accepted the invitation. hence this post.
If you are reading this Dear I hope you forgive me for the incident.